Dear Amy: I’ve been friends with “Sandra” for about a year now.
Recently, she revealed to me that she is gay. I am totally supportive of her. However, she also told me that she has grown to be very attracted to me.
I’m a straight woman, and I’m not attracted to her. I told her this.
Over the past couple of weeks, she has been acting increasingly inappropriate around me. She seems to go out of her way to touch me in ways she didn’t before. She has taken to kissing me (on the cheek), which she never used to do.
She invited me over for dinner, and when I arrived, she walked out almost completely unclothed. She apologized and said she “forgot” I was coming over.
I raised my concerns to her, and she asked if I found her repulsive because she was gay. I told her of course not!
If a man were acting this way, I would accuse him of sexual harassment and tell him not to contact me anymore. I don’t want Sandra to think I’m discriminating against her. Her behavior – not her orientation – is the issue for me.
How do I frame this? I’d like to remain friends, but without the pressure. – Just Friends
Dear Just Friends: “Sandra” boldly expressed her sexual interest in you, and you responded by frankly revealing your own choice not to reciprocate. She then upped the ante.
She may be using your own fear of seeming homophobic to test or try to coerce you. At the very least, her behavior is manipulative. At the most, she is sexually harassing you. You should tell her that this is a friendship deal breaker.
Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I have been dating for over two years. We’ve both been out of college for a year. We’ve faced a lot of changes and challenges together. Now my boyfriend is moving into a new, beautiful, big apartment.
I told him I wanted to move in with him (we had discussed living together in the past). We also spend five to six nights out of the week together, anyway.
His reaction to my idea was not excitement, but anxiety and indecision. Ultimately, he said he wanted to do it, but I’m a sensitive and stubborn person and wouldn’t accept that because his heart wasn’t in it.
I said, “It seems like you aren’t ready,” secretly hoping that he would beg me to join him. He didn’t.
I wish I could brush it off and say hey, living together is a huge deal and I can wait until we’re both into it. But I feel hurt, unwanted, and betrayed by my confidante.
I see young couples moving in together in New York all the time and I’m jealous that my partner doesn’t want to have that experience with me. How do I move past this when I am feeling resentful and stubborn?
How can I ever go to his new apartment, when it looms with a “keep out” feeling? – Feeling Excluded
Dear Feeling Excluded: I’ll grant you this: You are a human MRI, with the ability to perceive anxiety and indecision, look right past it – and straight into your boyfriend’s heart.
You have stated that moving in together is a huge deal. What you are seeing here is that different people move toward huge deals at different speeds. You were honest with him. He was honest with you. He let you pressure him into saying “yes” to moving in – but his yes wasn’t quite yessy enough for you. This is NOT a betrayal on his part. It is a clunky hitch in the proceedings.
Enthusiastically recommit to your own apartment. Get a new rug, a geranium for the window, and move the furniture around. Work on your own actions and reactions, including your self-esteem, sensitivity and stubbornness. Detach from your anxious need to have what you think other couples have. No matter what happens in your relationship, you are going to be “new and improved,” and you are going to feel more in control and overall better about yourself.
Dear Amy: Responding to people who think there is no harm done by vaping in the restaurant, there are people (like myself) with long issues or asthma and that “harmless” vaping of weed/nicotine/whatever can trigger a potentially deadly reaction.
When done outside, it is easier to avoid. – Lung Problems
Dear Problems: Great point. In most places, smoking or vaping inside is simply not permitted, for many good reasons.
You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: email@example.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or “like” her on Facebook.